How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
The blonde - she's eighteen.

How can you tell if a man is horny?
He's breathing.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley?
The position of the dirtbag.

What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass hole?
Clinton's tie.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for the golf ball.

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.

Why was the blonde's belly button sore?
Her boyfriend was a blonde also.

What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
The top of her head.

Why does a penis have a hole in the end of it?
So men can be open minded.

What did the Hispanic fireman name his two kids.
Jose and Hose B.

What's the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up?
Walks home.

What's the difference between a whorehouse and a circus?
One is a cunning array of stunts.

What do you get when you cross a yeast infection and an achy breaky heart?
An itchy twitchy crotch.

Heard about the new divorce Barbie?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

What's invisible and smells like worms?
A bird fart.

What do oral sex and lobster thermidor have in common?
You can't get either at home.