The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are,

"Gentlemen, start your engines."

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on

how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge'.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at

the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.